Adam Campbell-Schmitt
Published Humor Writing
- More Low-Stakes British TV Competitions [Slackjaw]
- No One’s Ever Thankful for Me, the Folding Chair from the Spare Room Closet [Points in Case]
- Return To Work Update: Our Office Is Now A Spirit Halloween [Slackjaw]
- A 4.5-Star Review of the Live-Action “Everyone Poops” Movie Sequel [Slackjaw]
- I’m Hereby Calling Our Garage “The Shop” [Slackjaw]
- Our Tuna Is 100% Wild-Caught Horse [The Haven]
- 10 Summer Activities for Kids That Totally Aren’t Just Busywork [Frazzled]
- How to Talk to Your Father About Eric Clapton [Slackjaw]
- We Brought You Breakfast (Ingredients) in Bed [Frazzled]
- I’m Against D.C. Statehood Because ‘Fifty-One’ Doesn’t Rhyme With ‘Nifty’ [Slackjaw]
- Intentions I Set When I Drink Too Much Cold Brew Before Yoga [Daily Drunk]
- 6 Things They Don’t Tell You About Buying a House — And #5 Isn’t Even About Spiders! [Slackjaw]
- Ted Cruz and Gallant [Daily Drunk]
- How to Humiliate Your Cast Iron Skillet [Points in Case]
- 12 Songs I’m Pretty Sure Were on ‘Jock Jams’ (But I Could Be Wrong) [Daily Drunk]
- What Coronavirus Is Thankful for This Year [Points in Case]
- An Oral History of the Monster Mash [Points in Case]
- Our Short-Form Video Streaming Platform Will Be Different [Robot Butt]
- Fathers’ Day Gifts Your Melancholy Dad Actually Wants (But Won’t… Can’t Admit) [How Pants Work]
- We’re Your Sectional Sofa and We’re Breaking Up [Points in Case]
- Clickbait Retractions — We LITERALLY Regret the Error [Slackjaw]
Self-Published (Doesn’t Mean They’re Bad!)
- We’ll Deal with This Ominous Space Orb On a State and Local Level
- Are You Horny or Is It Just Ramps Season?
- We’re an AMERICAN Restaurant Offering FULL-CONTACT Delivery
- I’m a Pineapple and I Belong on Pizza
- Thank You for Contacting Sisyphus Snow Removal
- Ahoy! The Thanksgiving Armada
- People Who COULD Replace Alex Trebek on ‘Jeopardy’
- Unlicensed Costumes for 2020
- 15 British Terms from ‘The Great British Baking Show’ I’m Pretty Sure I’ve Figured Out the Meaning of in Context
- Wear a Chin Mask, Dipshit!
- Less-Fun Easter Egg Replacements to Hide During Quarantine
- New Jobs for NYC Apartment Brokers
- 20 Ways to Refer to the ‘Super Bowl’ Without Getting Sued
- We Hereby Step in as Members of the Royal Family
- Snazzier Slang Words for Champagne
- Please… My Cat, She’s Singing ‘Memory’
- Every New Kid They Added to ‘The Brady Bunch’
- Thank You for Dicking Around at Work
- “Old Town Road (Remix)” feat. Robert Mueller x Nancy Pelosi x Adam Schiff
- What the Fuck Is Nancy Pelosi Doing?
- 5 Ways to Give Your Boring-Ass Brand a Relatable Personality on Social Media
- Did You Know There’s a FOURTH Property Brother?
Older Words of Questionable Quality
- An Open Letter From Your Dog To The Ball You Fake Threw
- A Dog Sommelier Answers: What To Sniff For In A Good Butt
- 11 Things Your Dog Is Thinking When It Sees You Naked
- 15 Tips On How To Get That Cool Dog To Notice You
- 15 Things To Never Say To A Chihuahua
- This Hilarious Chart Lets You Pick A Fancy Show Dog Name For Your Mutt
- An Open Letter To That Noise Outside From Your Dog
- 10 Signs You’re Being Cyber Bullied By a Pug (sadly, lost to the Internet but still out there somewhere translated into Arabic)
Adam Campbell-Schmitt — Writer 